Thursday, February 7, 2013

14 Days of Genitals: Day 1, Rushmore's Rod

Valentines Day: the day of love or loneliness, depending on your perspective, but regardless of your relationship status February is a time to reflect on relationships, love, and sex. To celebrate the Vengeance Team is bringing you 14 Days of Genitals, tales of bizarre wiener wonders and stunning stories of the snatch, with one posted each day.

Why? Because for many of us, puberty was a horrifying hormonal roller coaster filled with unexpected body fluids and bizarre downstairs changes that our middle school teachers hadn't prepared us for. Of course, some of you probably grew up in less conservative towns than Meaghan ("Look at this overhead pen, ladies, this is what a tampon looks like" - NO), but irregardless adolescence in general leaves most humans with the general impression that genitals might be pretty useful, but they're definitely damned weird.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have no idea.

Humans are LUCKY, by animal kingdom standards. Do your testicles turn inside out during sex? When you get horny, does your entire ass swell to a glowing red cushion 3x its regular size? No? Well suck it up then, because these shitshows of biology are common for many other members of the animal kingdom.  Fair warning: these posts are graphic, gross, and totally awesome. If you have any sort of heart condition don't click on any of the links - they'll probably take you to the scientific equivalent of soft core porn.

Day # 1: Rushmore's Rod
We're gonna just launch straight into this thing. 
Clear the room, then click play and be thankful your downstairs are shaped the way the are, 
rather than... whatever this is. Also, be thankful this isn't your job.

It's really hard to decide if the silence is better, or even creepier. Regardless, it's clear that the truly disturbing thing here is the four-eyed demon hand that is the Echidna Penis. But for all the lady echidnas out there fleeing for their lives - during sex two of the heads just sort of shut down leaving only half the heads still functional. Because the only thing better than a four-headed johnson is when two of the heads aren't even bothering to pay attention, right??

Works Cited
Johnston, Steve D. and Smith, Brett and Pyne, Michael and Stenzel, Deborah J. and Holt, William V. (2007) One-Sided Ejaculation of Echidna Sperm Bundles.The American Naturalist 170(6):E162-E164.

Roig-Alsina, Arturo. (1993) The evolution of the apoid endophallus, its phylogenetic implications, and functional significance of the genital capsule (Hymenoptera, Apoidea). Bolletino di zoologia. Vol 60 (2).

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