Saturday, June 29, 2013

Utah's Cock Rocks

Utah: a land rich with red rock outcrops, dinosaur fossils, Mormons, and extremely repressed sexuality. This state is so pure, in fact, that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have no data* about the sexual behaviors among high school students (grades 9-12):

*Absence of evidence IS NOT evidence of absence.


But if you're so lily pure, Utah, why is your geology so completely filthy? Wind and water have carved out sandstone schlongs across the state. Here we reveal a few of the more, ahem, prominent cases of dirty-minded rock formations via our favorite form of communication: limericks.





1: Goblin Valley State Park  AKA Choad Valley
           Located off UT-24 W south of I-70.


Active erosion frequently leaves behind loads
Here phallic boulders are the main erosional mode
"Goblin Valley" lacks kick
Try "the land of big dicks"
Since the land's covered in giant rock choads

The rocks are Entrada sandstone
Red, rigid and ready to bone
You'll walk in awe
but don't drop your jaw
Lest it's not just the sand being blown




2: Chimney Rock AKA Cock Rock
         Located off the Hole in the Rock road, east of Escalante, UT.

Alone on the hill stands a rock
Bold and distinct; it causes talk
Water did transform
A regular cliff form
Into a prominent geological cock



Sediment was deposited for ages
Then carved by a river's wet rages
Now all that remains
is throbbing with veins
Increasingly "penis" over erosional stages




3: "Inspiration Rock" at Kodachrome Basin State Park
        Located approx. 12 miles south of Utah Route 12, southeast of Bryce Canyon NP
Look, there, on that hill - it's a pickle!
No other outcropping identic'l!
But look at the base
And the pickle's erased;
Now clearly a cock with testicle.

Long ago the geysers did gush
Leaving sand pipes that make viewers blush!
But other theories note
it might be tectonics that gloat
 Maybe the spire is a big sandstone thrust?


4: Arches National Park -- "Brigham's Member" and fins within the Fiery Furnace
         5 miles north of Moab, UT.

A popular man was Brigham Young
Leading with words of his tongue
He had 56 wives
With active sex lives
No wonder; Sir Brigham was HUNG!

GEOLOGY
Fractures in the rock are to blame
For the rock's naturally phallic name
wind, water and time pick
At weak spots, splits, cracks and nicks
Leading to turgid frame, and prominent fame!


References:

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/states/ut.html

All photos by Amy Atwater

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